Everybody knows my best friend Hilda

Hilda was bragging to her boss, Phil, one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."  I told her Phil, that when I was in Spain in 1989, people kept approaching and asking, "aren't you Hilda's friend, Billy?"

Tired of her boasting, her boss called her bluff, "OK, Hilda how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Hilda and her boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Hilda! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Although impressed, Hilda's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Hilda that he thinks Hilda's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Hilda says. "President Clinton," her boss quickly retorts. "Yes," Hilda says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Hilda on the tour and motions him and her boss over, saying, "Hilda, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses her doubts to Hilda, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," her boss replies. "Sure!" says Hilda. "I was in Italy in 1987 and spent some time with him." Off they fly to Rome. Hilda and her boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Hilda says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

Hilda disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Hilda emerges with the Pope on the balcony. By the time Hilda returns, he finds that her boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working her way to her boss' side, Hilda asks him, "What happened?" Her boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, " Who's that on the balcony with Hilda?


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